Theater Five - The Hostage

Ernie Johnson is running down the street from the police after he robbed a liquor store. He sees a business named Schwartz Delicatessen, and runs into the shop. The old man behind the counter, Sam Schwartz, says "Yes, I could help you. So, what is the gun for?" Ernie says "The gun is for you if you don't do like I say. You all alone here?" Sammy says "Yeah, take the money and go, you need it so bad". They hear a voice from behind say "Something is wrong, Sammy?" Sam says "That's just my wife from the back room, she wouldn't bother...." Ernie says "Tell her to come out here. Hey you, out here now." Mrs. Schwartz says "Who is speaking in such a .... Sammy, a gun he's got". Ernie says "There's a cop out there taking shots at me. If he comes in, I shoot. Okay? You, what's your name?" She says "I am Mrs. Schwartz". Ernie says "Okay, get over there by the front window. There in the corner where I can watch you, and don't move". Sam says "Like he says, Minnie, go in the corner. You shouldn't move". Ernie says "Now, you Pop ...." Sam says "You could call me Sam". Ernie says "Yeah, sure Pop, you're going to stand in front of me, so if somebody puts a bullet in me it's got to go through you first, okay? Sam says "By me?, no, not okay, since you ask". Ernie says "Don't get smart, Pop". Sam says "You don't want answers, you shouldn't ask questions". The man says "Alright, Pop, open the door, just to crack, so I can yell at someone". Sam opens the door slightly, and the man says "Hey you out there, Copper. You hear me?" The officer says "Yeah, I hear you". Ernie says "You see this guy I got with me? His name is Sam Schwartz. He owns this dump. Now, if you take one lousy step towards me, Sam Schwartz is a dead man. I got a gun right on the back of his head. Tell the guy, Pop". Sam asks "Tell him what?" Ernie says "About the gun, stupid". Sam says "A gun he's got, on the back of my head". The officer says "Now listen to me. Don't shoot that man. Put your hands up and come out here. All we've got on you now is armed robbery, a few years. If you pull that trigger, you're a cinch for the chair. It would be crazy to kill him".